Love is not insecure

These past few days, I felt jealousy creeping inside my heart. I am afraid of this feeling. I know that jealousy is not a characteristic of real love. It is a sign of insecurity.

It bothers me for days and nights. And, I realized that what I’m feeling isn’t right anymore. Or should I say, this is not the feeling that the God of love wanted me to have.

I must act on this feeling before it consumes me…

So, I finally decided to take the hard but the High way. I cry unto God to remove this growing jealousy immediately because I know that what I’m feeling is not from Him.

It’s a bit scary to think that once God moves, He will surely work His ways to the point of us getting broken into pieces for Him to make whole and new again. I am honestly afraid on how God will correct me and my emotions. I am afraid that as He pluck the wrong feelings, He will also remove a certain person or thing my life.

But, I trust Him for what is best. Now, I’m in the process of being mold again and I’m glad that I am, though it (really) hurts.

If there is one thing I learned in this heart matter, that is to trust and lift up to God all insecurities. He may remove it painfully, but it is always for the best.

Someday, this heart of mine will be swamped with uncertain emotions again, but one thing will remain certain – the feelings that I will only entertain and allow to grow is that of what comes from the Lord.

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Love is not insecure, for everything that comes from God comes with peace and security. When God gives, He adds no trouble in it.

I’ll be forever grateful that God’s love is beyond my finite’s mind understanding, as it secures me from everlasting to everlasting. And, with His love, there is not even a hint of reason to be jealous and insecure.

Ikaw ang Aking Habambuhay (You’re My Forever)

Last week, as I celebrated my 25th birthday, I was tasked to host a Filipino-subject activity for all the College Freshmen. I know for a fact that speaking straight Filipino is a tough challenge for the Knoller and the Madocian in me. But, by the grace of God, I know I was able to host the event with a bang! (self-praise).. hehe.. With that, I challenged myself more into writing a poem in Filipino, and here it goes…

Para sa aking habambuhay na Ginoo,

Isang umagang di inaasahan
Mukha mo’y biglang ninais masilayan
Oh Ginoo!
Bakit sa pagsikat ng araw
Pusong nanahihimik, iyong pinukaw?

Pagsapit ng tanghali,
Ngiti ang nasa aking labi
Oh Ginoo!
Sa araw na ito’y ikaw ang hanap
Kasama saking mga pangarap

Sa dapithapon, di matahimik
Di malaman bakit ako nasasabik
Oh Ginoo!
Bakit sa paglabas ng buwan
Ikaw pa rin ang laman ng isipan?

Sa umaga, tanghali, at gabi
Oh Ginoo! Ako’y iyong binibini
Naghihintay, Umaasa,
Nananalig na makilala ka na

Saan ka man naroroon
Ika’y nasa dalangin kahapon, bukas at ngayon
Oh Ginoo!
Puso’y mananahimik at mahihimbing
Hanggang sa araw na ika’y makapiling

Ikaw ay hihintayin
Balang araw sasambitin
Oh Ginoo!
Ikaw ang aking habambuhay
Na Maykapal ang siyang nagbigay

Take it from an impatient woman! 🙂

I still believe in Forever

For my God’s Grace,

People say there’s no forever
So, I call them bitter
Forever is true and is so real
I can challenge anyone to deal

The world has distorted their view
Of what love is not from what is true
They fixed their gaze at the cost and pain
More than what it is to really gain

Forever goes beyond reason,
Meaning, logic, and human cognition
Forever surpasses the hurts and fears,
Love and happiness, bliss and tears

“Love is not infinite”, as they proclaim
They were filled with grief and shame
They shout, “True Love does not exist”
But Love is not something we can resist

Love is not the path we take
It is the decision we make
Forever is a hope that we can achieve
And faith is what makes us believe

I don’t care what other people say
For I patiently wait for the day
Of you and I being together
‘Coz with you, I still believe in forever

forever