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The thing about Love and Pain

“Pain demands to be felt”, and for many years, I tried to escape anything that can cause me pain. This is the reason why I can’t jump off cliffs because I’m afraid that when I fall, I might get hurt.

Lately, I have been posting on Social Media about the man I’m currently dating. I even created a hashtag for all my post about him, #CardoSavesTheDay, which is very new to me since I tried to escape love to avoid the pain it may bring.

For the first time in 28 years, I’ve openly told my family, friends, and friends of friends that there is one blessed man who’ve reached my heart and my Facebook timeline. It created a buzz to those who knew me as a strong, independent woman, most especially to those who know that I’m not the type who would share my dating status to anyone, much more on my public accounts. BUT, this time was different. I finally have the boldness and courage to open up and officially commit.

For those who knew me well, and I mean very well, they knew that I have commitment issues and that I really fear getting hurt. I’m afraid that when I decided to love, I will be left behind in the end, or I’ll be cheated on, and that eventually, I’ll be heartbroken. Things like these go inside my mind, that’s why I’m scared to love. I’m afraid of the love that may hurt me eventually.

My heart is guarded, but this time, I finally allowed someone in. I have been asked if I’m ready to be hurt, and I was surprised with my courageous and certain reply,

Pain is inevitable, but we choose our pain. We choose what’s worth it.

I cannot remember exactly where I’ve read those lines, but one thing is for sure, it made me believe that love is a decision and that I can choose my pain in the same way I decided to love.

If in time I’ll found myself hurting in this love that I chose, then I’ll make sure that it will be worth it. After all, there should be no fear in love, for even Love, Himself, suffered so much pain for someone unworthy as me.

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Where are you heading?

Have you ever pondered on the question, “Where your life will end?”

Every day we get up from bed to go to work, do our chores, pay our bills, settle our insurances and taxes, take some rest, then work again.

Life has become routinary.

To escape the routine, we go on vacations once or twice a year and make sure that we get to celebrate the holidays.

Life has become a cycle.

To break the cycle, some of us head to a full stop such as taking an early retirement or take a detour to make sure that life does not escape us or simply bore us.

Life has become a state where we get stuck, so we do all our best to keep moving and moving, not minding the fact that we don’t have any direction at all.

Is your life now a boring, directionless, routinary cycle? Are you certain of where you are heading? If not, try to look back from where you came from. Are you moving far from it? Or, are you heading back to it?

Looking back does not hurt once in awhile. In fact, looking back reassures us that we have gone so far in moving forward from where we begin.

I don’t know about you, but I believe that if there is one certain path that we will take, it must be the path that leads us to our original design. Our life must begin from the One who made us and it should also end with Him.

Like Ebe Dancel’s song, Bawat Daan, may we be able to sing to God…

Kung ang puso ko ay imamapa

Ikaw ang dulo, gitna’t simula…

Kumanan man o kaliwa

Kung timog man o hilaga

Ang bawat daan ko ay patungo,

pabalik, Sa’Yo.

If my heart will be mapped

You will be the end, center and beginning…

If I turn right or left,

If I go south or north

All my road will lead

back to You.