This blog post was first published when I was turning 23. Re-reading and re-writing it now that I’m 28 makes me happy to look back on how my heart has been – whole, broken, healed, and whole again. Moreover, it is my joy to say that upon re-writing this, I already have a “boyfriend” after a lot of heartaches, stumblings, and unwise falls in the past 5 years.
The usual me would always tease my single elder girl friends to marry already, but most of them would reply, “Pwede boyfriend muna?” I do understand what they meant, but what I didn’t get is the difference of having a boyfriend and a husband-to-be.
My College friends who are all in romantic relationships would almost always tease me with any guy. They would introduce me to other people specifically to the opposite sex as “Single”; it is as if Single is my surname. My typical reaction to them is, “I’m still young to be pressured about being single and uncommitted.” One night when I was having a date with my College friends, they asked me what do I really feel with the guy who used to pursue me before since we still communicate and hang out sometimes; they say we looked good together and that we will be a perfect couple. In all honesty, I replied, “I just can’t see my forever with him”. They all replied, “Forever agad? Di pwedeng boyfriend muna?“
Last night while I meet the future leaders in my Life Group, I told them to prepare and see themselves leading already because time will come that I’ll be marrying and will leave the group eventually. Knowing that I’m not yet into a relationship, they said, “Agad-agad? Di pwede mag-boyfriend ka muna, Ate?”
Boyfriend muna? Then what? What’s next?
Is having a boyfriend the same as tasting a new food offered in the supermarket? Taste first if you like it or not. Buy the food if the food tasted good, but if not, just leave it, move on, and search for food that could please your taste and satisfy you.
Why invest emotions and time with someone you can’t see your future with?
They say that the boyfriend – girlfriend thing is the trial and error stage. What is marriage then? A successful experiment?
Is having a boyfriend the same as dissecting a frog in the laboratory? After opening its body and seeing how gruesome it is, you just said your done, concluded that it is still a frog inside out then throw the frog’s lifeless body and say, “I’ve learned from that frog.”
I’m not against the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. I had mine in my old life, but I believe that kind of stage should not just be a fitting room stage wherein one tries if a new pair of denims is a perfect fit or not.
No man in this earth is perfect, they are not our jeans to wear when we want something comfortable, and when they fade and ripped, we simply lock them in our closets or worst, dump them.
Before a man becomes a boyfriend, he lays down his intentions first. I believe, even before he shows his intent, he has befriended the woman already. And, before he befriends the woman, he already observed and prayed for her from afar. It will take a process to have a boyfriend, so before that man became a boyfriend, the woman already knows the things about this man – his character, his heart, and his intentions.
Why say, “Yes” when in doubt about the character of the person? Some women would say, “He is not the guy I fall in love with; it’s as if he’s a different man now.”
So, is having a boyfriend like having a gadget? If you can’t configure it out or if you see a better version, you just set it aside or buy a new, simpler, and not complicated one. My question is, “Why buy such gadget at the first place?” Do you need it or you just want it? Or, maybe you just feel cool with it? If it is no longer cool and convenient, you do not want it anymore. As women, we have the option to say, “Yes” or “No” to a man. So, we have to make the right decisions. A boyfriend is a potential, irreplaceable husband and not a disposable friend.
If a woman is really into a man, she should have prayed for him and asked for God’s leading before giving that precious “Yes” (this is how, I believe, it should be).
Again, the words I wrote here were written 5 years ago… (check out my prayer back then)
Maybe some of you would say that I cannot understand your views on dating because I’m not into a relationship at the moment, but I believe, looking back from my old and filthy life, having had uncounted number of boyfriends, I do understand. And, this is the main reason why I just don’t want to have a “boyfriend muna” or “boyfriend at the moment” because with the new life that God has given me, I strongly believe that just having a boyfriend at the moment is far different from having a husband for a lifetime.
In all honesty, I can’t even find any words for short-term relationships in the Bible, for I believe that God didn’t designed anything temporarily; He created everything to be eternal. However, I saw this verse, and God’s words are clear.
“…do not arouse or awaken love, until it so desires.” – Song of Songs 8:4
Let us not waste our time tasting every offer, experimenting anything, finding the right fit, and/or making things complicated. There is no perfect time to have a relationship, but there will always be God’s man and God’s time for you. Wait patiently until God gave you His best, so don’t waste your time waiting with some jerks while enjoying the pleasure of the moment, for you will have the love more than what you can desire and an eternity of happiness to look forward with.
There will never be a perfect boy-girl relationship and neither a perfect couple; I accepted that fact already, and that is why I really give utmost value to my first and last God’s grace boyfriend-to-be in this new life of mine. Again, I’m just turning 23, not even waiting for a date, but I know and I pray (if God wills it) that in 5 years time, I’ll be walking down the aisle on my wedding day making sure that the man who will walk with me before God is not just a chosen free taste, a successful experiment, a good fit denims, a complicated choice, nor a boyfriend for a moment but a lifetime bestfriend and partner forever.
5 years later…
I now have a boyfriend! Hooorraaayy!!! I’m glad that I waited on God, even if I have been faithless countless of times. Today, me and my boyfriend of 3 months are talking about marriage and family. He already opened a savings account for our wedding funds which I managed (no proposal yet). 😊 I am more than grateful that we are on the same page of leading our relationship to a lifetime of missional marriage and not just a temporary “boyfriend – girlfriend” thing. I am also thankful that I won’t be able to call Julius as my “boyfriend” for a long time, as he has volunteered to be my future husband soon. Hehe..
(More of my stumbling stories in the next blog posts…)
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