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When God Sees (The Wedding Proposal Part II)

It took me a year to be able to finally write the Part II of my ex-boyfriend’s (now husband) wedding proposal. The Part I contains all the details of what actually transpired on the day, but this post is intended to share something that is invisible to the eyes when he proposed — a heart matter.

Let me start with how unworthy I was. I am not a perfect woman. I am a sinner who desperately needs a Savior. I sin and fall short from the glory of Jesus. In the area of dating and relationship, I’ve stumbled and fall many times. In the area of purity, be physical or emotional, I was not a good example.

My heart was filthy, deceiptful, and corrupt. I know God’s holiness cannot look at such a heart, yet I know He sees and hears all my deepest desires. The following details of Julius’ wedding proposal last year are my evidences:

1) The Age

When I was a little girl, I always say that I will marry at the age of 28, just like my Aunts, Myleen and Mae. Over and over again, I claim in my heart that at 28 years old I will be with the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life. At 25, I still didn’t have a boyfriend; my heart was at its darkest but the longing was still there. On the night I exactly turned 28, Julius came into my life. Months after, he asked me to marry him.

Of all my impatience and immaturity over the past years, God still delivered on the dot! He hears what my heart repeatedly says since I was a little girl.

2) The BACKPACK

Shallow as it may sound but some years ago my longing heart and careless mind desired something from a viral photo online. It was a collage of the proposal for the actresses, Kaye Abad and Bianca Gonzales. Both proposals were purely candid that the ladies were not even dressed up for it. They were just on their casual get up with a backpack. So, I carelessly (but hopefully) shared back then that I will always bring my backpack with me just in case someone publicly propose for a marriage.

This was the photo I shared before.

On the day that Julius’ proposed, I totally did not have the will to dress up much more wear make-up. I didn’t even wash my hair, thus I still have the braided hair from the other day. I chose to wear a comfortable jeans, a loose blouse, and flats, which didn’t make me look like a College Instructor.

Now here’s the best part. When Julius’ comrades walked me out of the faculty room to bring me to the proposal scene, we were already at the door but I went back and said I’ll just get my bag. They told me that no need for it, but something inside me wants to really bring my bag.

Now, I believe, it was God telling me, “Hey! You’ve dreamed this before. Go get that backpack of yours!”

img_5653By the way, that backpack was bought by Julius himself.

3. The RING

The ring that Julius bought for me, the size and its simplicity is the one I always have in mind and heart. I did not desire for any other stones or designs. I just want it plain and simple. When Julius opened the red box with a shaking hand, I looked at the ring and I was at my happiest, knowing that it is what I really wanted.

 

4. The CENTENNIAL FOREST

I always wanted to have a public proposal. There, I finally said it out loud — that’s a hidden desire of my heart. I even want to have it in a carnival, either in front of a carousel or a ferris wheel.

However, when Julius and I watched Erwan’s proposal to Anne, I told him I want it to be as simple and meaningful as theirs, so he should just propose privately to me at home. But, Julius said that he will also propose to me in a forest. I took that as a joke, but God sees and hears everything; He turns and makes things beautiful in His time. Julius did propose in Muntinlupa’s Centennial Forest with so many students watching. It was public yet still intimate.

 

5. The MAN

I grow up desiring a man of action, a knight in shining armor. Would you believe that one of my all time favorite movies is Pearl Harbor? I guess that’s one of the reasons I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I always feel like I’m a woman destined to a warrior who can fight and win battles for me (and with me). I even remember writing about choosing the Knight over Jack the Giant Slayer if I was the princess in the story.

When I first laid my eyes on Julius, my initial impression of him is that he was just a “boy” or “helper” of the Special Forces assigned outside our home. He was always in sando and shorts, preparing their meals, washing the dishes, and cleaning around the kitchen. He was also the one who would go to the market to buy their supplies. He didn’t look like a prince or a knight in shining armor to me but more of a servant. And, that servant heart of Julius totally won me over.

When he proposed, that was the very first time I saw him in his uniform! I looked at him smiling at me and he is handsome. As he went near and knelt before me, I know my prince has arrived.

God saw my heart’s desires, and He knew that I’ll be in good hands with a man who has a servant heart, with a knight’s courage, and a prince-like character. No wonder why God keeps on redeeming me from the frogs I thought were princes before.

It has been a year since I said “Yes” to Julius. It has also been a year of saying “Yes” to God’s faithfulness.

God sees the darkest and dirtiest parts of my heart but He loves so much to still grant its deepest desires.

Truly, God sees and hears our deep longings even our shallow musings. And, he is faithful to give every little desire as long as it is aligned to His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” – Psalm‬ ‭139:1-4‬

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Homebound

Julius and I met October 8, 2017 and we got married October 8, 2018. JUST ONE YEAR of friendship and love, then we wed.

Some people, specially those who are not of the same faith, ask me about why do I marry Julius given that I only knew him for a year.

Some even asked, “Are you pregnant?” Of course, I am not and I will not marry just because I’m one (my mom will kill me).

Others consider that our wedding is just a “head-over-heels” decision. But, everyone close to us gave us their blessings, even God blessed us so much to pull off a beautiful wedding.

Some are worried for me that I might end up marrying someone I barely know.

BUT, Julius was never a stranger to me. When I met him on the night of my birthday last year, I didn’t have that butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. I didn’t went “gaga” or crazy, madly, deeply in love. “Kilig” was (still is) there but I was rational that my life, in all aspects, was not even altered by his coming (I got to balance my acads and work amazingly well with him). I’m not anxious about how I would look like in front of him or worry about what he’ll think of me. I was calm and at peace and not crazy and emotional.

As days passed by in our friendship, I knew I’m already home. Home, for me, is where I can find peace, where I can rest on, where I can feel secured all the time, where I look forward to at the end of every day, where I can be vulnerable with, where I can be my truest self (far from the prying and judging eyes of this world). A home is where I am safe and loved unconditionally.

When I met Julius, he does not make me feel like a teenage girl with raging hormones and is giddy whenever she’s with her “crush”, rather Julius made me feel like a school girl running home, excited to tell her parents how her day went by.

Yes, Julius was never a stranger. He will always be a family to me, and with him is where I will always belong.

Marrying him is running fast, homebound.

I looked high and low, and didn’t find him. And then the night watchmen found me as they patrolled the darkened city. “Have you seen my dear lost love?” I asked. No sooner had I left them than I found him, found my dear lost love. I threw my arms around him and held him tight, wouldn’t let him go until I had him home again, safe at home beside the fire.

– Song of Solomon‬ ‭3:1-4, MSG

Our wedding photos courtesy of Ram Marcelo Photography

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A Call for Help

Infinity War Spoiler Alert!

One of the scenes I liked in the Avengers: Infinity War movie is when Mr. Tony Stark looked up the number of Steve Rogers on his phone to call him for help. We, Avengers fans, know that Iron Man and Captain America were not really in speaking terms as they parted with unsettled issues in their last encounter. Based on the face of Tony Stark, he was having a hard time if he would really call Steve and so it wasn’t him who called (but the intent was already there).

Another favorite scene is when Tony Stark told Spidey that he didn’t like being with him in his mission to rescue Dr. Strange (because he thinks it’s dangerous for the boy). But, he let the boy help him still by including him in his plans and giving him tasks.

Tony Stark, a fictional superhero who is known to be super wealthy, famous, powerful, and intelligent, but knows when and how to call for help, even if he had a hard time doing so.

Asking for help is not easy for many of us because of our pride. When we are so full of ourselves, when we think we can do all things, and/or when we think we are always better than others, calling for help is not part of our actions.

Why would we ask for help when we think that we are better than others? Why would we ask for help when we think we are the strongest? Why would we ask for help when we think we can solve our problems by ourselves alone?

Our pride deceives us of who we really are. Pride makes us believe that we are the best, the greatest, the strongest, and awesomest, if there is such a word.

For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

– Galatians 6:3, ESV

Let me share with you one of the things I loved the most about a real life “tagaligtas” (savior).

Given his profession, his body built, the trainings and challenges he overcame, the life struggles he surpassed, and the workforce he belonged to, a man like my Cardo have all the reasons to think he is strong, great, and/or awesome. But, he is not. He did not even want to talk about him being a member of a special force. Instead, Cardo is more comfortable telling me about his weaknesses.

The #CardoWhoSavesMyDay can admit that he also needs Saving. He knows he needs help at times. He is honest that he has weak points. He knows when he needs rebukes and openly accepts corrections. Moreso, he would humbly asks for prayers because he knows that God is the greatest in his life. That’s my Cardo!

I couldn’t boast that I’m marrying someone who is the strongest and the best. But, I can delight on the fact that a man like my Cardo is teachable and humble. I can see a better future with this man, knowing that he isn’t proud and that he can co-labor with a woman like me, his future helpmeet.

I think Ms. Potts felt the same way with Tony. She is not intimidated with who Tony is or what he is capable of, because with her, the well-known poweful Iron Man becomes vulnerable.

Images are grabbed from Google.