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Honor Thy Father

Papang and Me

Photos above are taken on my first birthday, and the lines below are the words I was never able to say to my Father who passed away before I learn the words “I Love You”.

 

You were already old
And your heart was failing.
You have four grown up children
Yet, you still chose to adopt me.

You’ve given me your first and last name
And made sure everyone gets to know me before you die.
You called me your own
And considered me your “manna”.

We may have limited photos
in the two years that we are together.
But these are all enough
To show that you are my father.

Pang, you held me in your arms
You helped me stand
You made sure I won’t fall
And you taught me how to walk.

You’ve left me your books,
your journals, home furnitures,
and bottles of Black Label,
reminding me of your good taste (making me choose likewise).

What in this world an adopted child

could have asked for more from a Father?
I can only wish that you lived longer

and witnessed all I have and become.

 

I couldn’t say that you raised me well

or that you can be proud of me.
But you’ve raised my elder sisters and brother
and they made sure you will be proud of your adopted child (as they stand as my guardians).

 

You will always be my Father, Pang!
My two-page Birth Certificate, my IQ level,

my Chinese attributes and our somehow matched DNAs
would suffice to prove that.

 

I love you Pang! I’ll do my very best to honor you and Mamang in every way I can.

Happy Father’s Day up there! 🙂

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On Beauty and Compliments (and not to mention Hormones).

We, GIRLS, feel low at times especially when hormones are spiking and fluctuating; mood swings just come out of nowhere no matter how  we try to control it. And, even though I am secured with my beauty and figure believing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made still I have this “I feel so fat,” and “I’m so ugly.. Grrr!” days.

While I’m down with fever, headache, and flu (blame it with the heat as I travel to work at noon and uncontrolled AC in the office + hormones), someone gave me a compliment that made me feel elated. It was my REAL dad who commented on my picture in FB (the 1st comment below) just when I feel so guilty for eating too much these past few days.

My dad and I just met once and that was a decade ago, so he really doesn’t know what I look like in person, but He can say that I am beautiful (oh well, I’m his daughter!).

My dad somehow made me feel so beautiful by his comments, but I believe I really do not need those, for I should be secured on what my Father in heaven said, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  –  1 Peter 3:3-4

I must have a gentle and quiet spirit so that I may be fully secured on who I am and Who is in me that will make me feel really beautiful; this includes mastering over my emotions, hormonal changes, and guilt plus more time with the source of all beauty – God.

Moreover, I really don’t need praises every day or reassurance that I am beautiful nor compliments to flatter me, for my Father in Heaven said,  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

My fathers are right; I am beautiful, and I should never grow weary with that fact.  I don’t have to be praised every moment of my life, my fathers’  words are enough. After all, who I am including my beauty is created not just to please the woman I see in the mirror and the people around me, but the One who created me.

Let the King be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for He is your Lord. – Psalm 45: 11