April 15, 2016
After a minor invasive procedure – Esophagogastroduodenoscopy
I never knew how strong I am, not until I walked in the operating room, got fully sedated, walked out of the recovery room, processed my hospital bills and left the hospital ALL BY MYSELF. I was left an independent girl at 13 and I still had to be 13 years later. I know for a fact that ever since Mamang (my grandmother and legal mother) died, I am to look after myself always ‘coz there’s no one to do that for me anymore. My siblings are all married and got families of their own including my ever-hardworking, biological mother. I was never comfortable to bother them to babysit me or simply care for me, for I know that they have more important things to look after compared to a 26-year-old, in-pain woman in me. They raised me to be independent after all.
After my very first operating table experience, I literally just walked out of the hospital in spite of the cautions given by the hospital staff. I simply assured them that I am nurse, and I know what to do with myself in case there is anything unpleasant that will happen to me after the procedure. They were not convinced though. 🙂
I do not want to go home yet. It was too hot, there’s no enough ventilation in my room. I am hungry ‘coz I had to fast the night before, and I don’t want to sleep ‘coz I just woke up from a general anaesthesia sedation. I decided to eat somewhere all by myself, since I am so used to it and very comfortable to do so. 🙂
I guess the enemy’s eyes were prying on me at that time, and seeing me in my independence, he took his chance at me with his very unwelcome sales talk. I never knew how strong my faith is, not until the enemy started telling me with lies saying, “Look at you, you just had a minor operation and you were in so much pain, yet there’s no one to be with you now. No one cares for you. You’ve got friends, family and ministry, but where are they now? You’ve got a family, but they don’t care for you. Did they even ask, ‘How are you feeling right now?’ They do not love you. NO ONE LOVES YOU.”
Tears started flowing from my eyes, and as soon as I come into my senses and with the Spirit, I immediately wiped it with my then swelling hands and replied to the cunning enemy, “Get behind me Satan or better yet leave me alone. I am not going to feel sorry for myself for choosing to be alone and for being in pain. I chose to do things by myself, and I am secured that I am not unloved. I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE DROWNING IN THE DEPTHS OF GOD’S LOVE. No one can take me away from that, not even you.” Right then and there, I felt relieved and will not entertain another word of sorrow from the devil.
I called another independent friend to join me for dinner, and so we had an awesome time together, laughing our hearts out with our recent life stories. See, I was not alone at all? I’ve got friends to call just to be with me. And even if I am left with myself, I KNOW THAT GOD IS WITH ME ALWAYS AND FOR ETERNITY. THAT’S A FACT THAT IS HARD TO DOUBT.
April 15, 2005
Exactly 11 years ago, I made the biggest decision of my life in accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. See? It has been 11 years, and I’m still counting on the faithfulness of Christ in me. Ngayon pa ba ko bibitaw sa Kanya? Pambihira naman!
It was my eleventh birthday in Christ. (I did celebrate with pizza and ice cream party the following day).
I do not believe in coincidences. God is just so timely to remind me that He never leaves me nor forsakes me. I’m pretty sure God was smiling at me, as I fought the enemy on that day – my saved date.
I do not believe in coincidences. God is just so timely to remind me that He never leaves me nor forsakes me.
I may be vulnerable to the traps of evil at times, but I can always be secured that I am God’s child no matter what. The enemy can only try, but he will surely not win.