It took me a year to be able to finally write the Part II of my ex-boyfriend’s (now husband) wedding proposal. The Part I contains all the details of what actually transpired on the day, but this post is intended to share something that is invisible to the eyes when he proposed — a heart matter.
Let me start with how unworthy I was. I am not a perfect woman. I am a sinner who desperately needs a Savior. I sin and fall short from the glory of Jesus. In the area of dating and relationship, I’ve stumbled and fall many times. In the area of purity, be physical or emotional, I was not a good example.
My heart was filthy, deceiptful, and corrupt. I know God’s holiness cannot look at such a heart, yet I know He sees and hears all my deepest desires. The following details of Julius’ wedding proposal last year are my evidences:
1) The Age
When I was a little girl, I always say that I will marry at the age of 28, just like my Aunts, Myleen and Mae. Over and over again, I claim in my heart that at 28 years old I will be with the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life. At 25, I still didn’t have a boyfriend; my heart was at its darkest but the longing was still there. On the night I exactly turned 28, Julius came into my life. Months after, he asked me to marry him.
Of all my impatience and immaturity over the past years, God still delivered on the dot! He hears what my heart repeatedly says since I was a little girl.
2) The BACKPACK
Shallow as it may sound but some years ago my longing heart and careless mind desired something from a viral photo online. It was a collage of the proposal for the actresses, Kaye Abad and Bianca Gonzales. Both proposals were purely candid that the ladies were not even dressed up for it. They were just on their casual get up with a backpack. So, I carelessly (but hopefully) shared back then that I will always bring my backpack with me just in case someone publicly propose for a marriage.
On the day that Julius’ proposed, I totally did not have the will to dress up much more wear make-up. I didn’t even wash my hair, thus I still have the braided hair from the other day. I chose to wear a comfortable jeans, a loose blouse, and flats, which didn’t make me look like a College Instructor.
Now here’s the best part. When Julius’ comrades walked me out of the faculty room to bring me to the proposal scene, we were already at the door but I went back and said I’ll just get my bag. They told me that no need for it, but something inside me wants to really bring my bag.
Now, I believe, it was God telling me, “Hey! You’ve dreamed this before. Go get that backpack of yours!”
By the way, that backpack was bought by Julius himself.
3. The RING
The ring that Julius bought for me, the size and its simplicity is the one I always have in mind and heart. I did not desire for any other stones or designs. I just want it plain and simple. When Julius opened the red box with a shaking hand, I looked at the ring and I was at my happiest, knowing that it is what I really wanted.
4. The CENTENNIAL FOREST
I always wanted to have a public proposal. There, I finally said it out loud — that’s a hidden desire of my heart. I even want to have it in a carnival, either in front of a carousel or a ferris wheel.
However, when Julius and I watched Erwan’s proposal to Anne, I told him I want it to be as simple and meaningful as theirs, so he should just propose privately to me at home. But, Julius said that he will also propose to me in a forest. I took that as a joke, but God sees and hears everything; He turns and makes things beautiful in His time. Julius did propose in Muntinlupa’s Centennial Forest with so many students watching. It was public yet still intimate.
5. The MAN
I grow up desiring a man of action, a knight in shining armor. Would you believe that one of my all time favorite movies is Pearl Harbor? I guess that’s one of the reasons I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I always feel like I’m a woman destined to a warrior who can fight and win battles for me (and with me). I even remember writing about choosing the Knight over Jack the Giant Slayer if I was the princess in the story.
When I first laid my eyes on Julius, my initial impression of him is that he was just a “boy” or “helper” of the Special Forces assigned outside our home. He was always in sando and shorts, preparing their meals, washing the dishes, and cleaning around the kitchen. He was also the one who would go to the market to buy their supplies. He didn’t look like a prince or a knight in shining armor to me but more of a servant. And, that servant heart of Julius totally won me over.
When he proposed, that was the very first time I saw him in his uniform! I looked at him smiling at me and he is handsome. As he went near and knelt before me, I know my prince has arrived.
God saw my heart’s desires, and He knew that I’ll be in good hands with a man who has a servant heart, with a knight’s courage, and a prince-like character. No wonder why God keeps on redeeming me from the frogs I thought were princes before.
It has been a year since I said “Yes” to Julius. It has also been a year of saying “Yes” to God’s faithfulness.
God sees the darkest and dirtiest parts of my heart but He loves so much to still grant its deepest desires.
Truly, God sees and hears our deep longings even our shallow musings. And, he is faithful to give every little desire as long as it is aligned to His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” – Psalm 139:1-4