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When God Sees (The Wedding Proposal Part II)

It took me a year to be able to finally write the Part II of my ex-boyfriend’s (now husband) wedding proposal. The Part I contains all the details of what actually transpired on the day, but this post is intended to share something that is invisible to the eyes when he proposed — a heart matter.

Let me start with how unworthy I was. I am not a perfect woman. I am a sinner who desperately needs a Savior. I sin and fall short from the glory of Jesus. In the area of dating and relationship, I’ve stumbled and fall many times. In the area of purity, be physical or emotional, I was not a good example.

My heart was filthy, deceiptful, and corrupt. I know God’s holiness cannot look at such a heart, yet I know He sees and hears all my deepest desires. The following details of Julius’ wedding proposal last year are my evidences:

1) The Age

When I was a little girl, I always say that I will marry at the age of 28, just like my Aunts, Myleen and Mae. Over and over again, I claim in my heart that at 28 years old I will be with the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life. At 25, I still didn’t have a boyfriend; my heart was at its darkest but the longing was still there. On the night I exactly turned 28, Julius came into my life. Months after, he asked me to marry him.

Of all my impatience and immaturity over the past years, God still delivered on the dot! He hears what my heart repeatedly says since I was a little girl.

2) The BACKPACK

Shallow as it may sound but some years ago my longing heart and careless mind desired something from a viral photo online. It was a collage of the proposal for the actresses, Kaye Abad and Bianca Gonzales. Both proposals were purely candid that the ladies were not even dressed up for it. They were just on their casual get up with a backpack. So, I carelessly (but hopefully) shared back then that I will always bring my backpack with me just in case someone publicly propose for a marriage.

This was the photo I shared before.

On the day that Julius’ proposed, I totally did not have the will to dress up much more wear make-up. I didn’t even wash my hair, thus I still have the braided hair from the other day. I chose to wear a comfortable jeans, a loose blouse, and flats, which didn’t make me look like a College Instructor.

Now here’s the best part. When Julius’ comrades walked me out of the faculty room to bring me to the proposal scene, we were already at the door but I went back and said I’ll just get my bag. They told me that no need for it, but something inside me wants to really bring my bag.

Now, I believe, it was God telling me, “Hey! You’ve dreamed this before. Go get that backpack of yours!”

img_5653By the way, that backpack was bought by Julius himself.

3. The RING

The ring that Julius bought for me, the size and its simplicity is the one I always have in mind and heart. I did not desire for any other stones or designs. I just want it plain and simple. When Julius opened the red box with a shaking hand, I looked at the ring and I was at my happiest, knowing that it is what I really wanted.

 

4. The CENTENNIAL FOREST

I always wanted to have a public proposal. There, I finally said it out loud — that’s a hidden desire of my heart. I even want to have it in a carnival, either in front of a carousel or a ferris wheel.

However, when Julius and I watched Erwan’s proposal to Anne, I told him I want it to be as simple and meaningful as theirs, so he should just propose privately to me at home. But, Julius said that he will also propose to me in a forest. I took that as a joke, but God sees and hears everything; He turns and makes things beautiful in His time. Julius did propose in Muntinlupa’s Centennial Forest with so many students watching. It was public yet still intimate.

 

5. The MAN

I grow up desiring a man of action, a knight in shining armor. Would you believe that one of my all time favorite movies is Pearl Harbor? I guess that’s one of the reasons I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I always feel like I’m a woman destined to a warrior who can fight and win battles for me (and with me). I even remember writing about choosing the Knight over Jack the Giant Slayer if I was the princess in the story.

When I first laid my eyes on Julius, my initial impression of him is that he was just a “boy” or “helper” of the Special Forces assigned outside our home. He was always in sando and shorts, preparing their meals, washing the dishes, and cleaning around the kitchen. He was also the one who would go to the market to buy their supplies. He didn’t look like a prince or a knight in shining armor to me but more of a servant. And, that servant heart of Julius totally won me over.

When he proposed, that was the very first time I saw him in his uniform! I looked at him smiling at me and he is handsome. As he went near and knelt before me, I know my prince has arrived.

God saw my heart’s desires, and He knew that I’ll be in good hands with a man who has a servant heart, with a knight’s courage, and a prince-like character. No wonder why God keeps on redeeming me from the frogs I thought were princes before.

It has been a year since I said “Yes” to Julius. It has also been a year of saying “Yes” to God’s faithfulness.

God sees the darkest and dirtiest parts of my heart but He loves so much to still grant its deepest desires.

Truly, God sees and hears our deep longings even our shallow musings. And, he is faithful to give every little desire as long as it is aligned to His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” – Psalm‬ ‭139:1-4‬

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When Love Casts Out Fear (The Wedding Proposal (Part I)

It was a typical Saturday wherein I have to teach for 9 hours straight. I woke up with Cardo’s morning call since he has been my alarm clock for the past 4 months and my constant encourager/reminder of “Para Sa Bayan” because I don’t have the will to go to work on that day. There was really nothing unusual for that’s our day to day morning habit.

The night before I told him that he can sit in my class if he’s not on duty, which he excitedly agreed. I was waiting for him to bring me my lunch (he does that every Saturday) and then have him in my class, but then he told me that he can’t leave the barracks yet.

I was about to have my lunch break when an official from Cardo’s company together with two of his closest buddies in complete uniform came in to the faculty room. Seeing their serious faces and hearing a made-up story from them made my heart beat fast.

If it was not his officer, I would have taken things lightly. But, I know who they were and how precious their time, so I really sense the urgency. I was thinking why would this officer bother pick me up when he could have send someone else? It must be something urgent.

Although their faces are very familiar and they are like friends to me, they were so formal like they were really on a mission. I was asking them what really happened but they said we will just discuss later. They did not even smile at me or joke around me like they used to everyday.

My mom was there with me and she was calm but does not seem to be happy with them picking me up, so they reassured her until she relented.

At those times, I’m really scared but I couldn’t cry. All I ever wanted was to see my Cardo as soon as possible to know if he’s doing fine.

They escorted me out of the faculty room to the university gym. It was already a scene because we came from the 3rd floor and passed 4 Colleges already. There were so many people staring at us, but I maintained my composure. I was trying to smile at his buddies to look for their reassurance but to no avail.

Upon reaching the parking lot, they said we should just wait for the police mobile. (I am now sure that I was really anxious that time because I did not even bother to ask what vehicle brought them to the campus.) After almost 5 minutes, the three of them moved far from me then I heard the loudest cheer behind. I turned around and suddenly everyone and everything surrounding me was a blur. My eyes were fixed at the sight of my lover in his complete uniform with a bouquet of roses in his hands.

I was the happiest, not because I was already thinking that he might “officially” propose but because my fear has subside already. Cardo was there smiling at me, and I know he will save me from the badnews that his comrades have told me. Indeed, #CardoSavesTheDay.

My fear eventually fades as my lover came near me. There is really no fear in love.

After handing me the flowers, Cardo went on his knees, opened a red box with a diamond ring, and asked, “Will you marry me?

He was shaking as he puts the ring on my finger. I know in spite of his shy, he was the happiest man alive at that time. He was flashing his smile that I love the most, and it was enough to calm me and reassure me that everything was fine with him. The badnews was just part of the surprise.

After saying “Yes” to him, all I can ever say was, “Papa, tinakot nila ako” then continue crying on his chest while all the people around us are still cheering.

Months from now, I will be walking again behind these men (this time in an aisle) for they will be part of the wedding entourage as my Cardo waits in the altar (no longer hiding in the parking lot).

The one thing that the Lord told me before Cardo’s proposal is, “Be still, and know that I am God.” The Lord knows that I might fear being left behind as Cardo will be reassigned soon, so His assurance came to my rescue. How can I not be so sure of what will happen when God already secured me of His presence in our lives? Truly, when God gives, He adds no trouble in it.

By the way, 2 weeks before the actual proposal, God already showed me in a dream that Cardo proposed to me inside our home.

One week after the dream, Cardo talked to my mother and asked for my hands in marriage. So, I already knew that the proposal is on its way. However, I never expect that it will come in such a surprise.

When I allowed God to write my love story, I am sure that it will be the best one. True enough, our story is the best one I can ever share!