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God Has Heard

9 weeks in my womb

A minute on our hands

A day in our home

A lifetime in our hearts

On our third month as husband and wife, God blessed us with a child. The blessing was unexpected but never unwanted. We were overjoyed to become parents, especially with the fact that we get to conceive easily.

However, our joy was succeeded by sorrow. Our blessing comes with a testing.

January 17, 2019

On our first ultrasound scan at 9 weeks age of gestation, our baby did not show any signs of a beating heart. We were anxious and scared. My husband and I already wept upon knowing, but we prayed and hold on to hope that our child will have his/her heartbeat. We waited for two days until the confirmatory scan, that was the longest two days of our lives.

January 19, 2019

The second scan happened and our child’s heart was still not beating. We were advised to have it medically aborted/removed. We bought the prescribed medicines that will expel our baby in my womb.

As we reached home, carrying the medicines, the two of us cannot even look at it, so we prayed until I was able to take the pills. After one dose, we cried and rested. We held each other’s hands, mending our broken hearts.

My husband and I were devastated. Imagine we were just 4 months in our marriage, and yet we had to face such a trial.

But, we believe it was a testing of faith and character. It was a test of how we will still look at God who has given us His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, and allowed Him to suffer and die. It was a test of how each one of us will deal with pain and a crushed spirit.

I could not say that the two of us passed the test with flying colors. We were shakened but we hold on to God.

January 20, 2019

After taking atleast two doses of the medicine, we still chose to attend a Sunday Worship Service. My husband and I chose to cry out to God and listen to His words rather than seclude ourselves in our sorrows. We had dinner in a fancy restaurant after the service, wherein I get to read a blog of women who also lost their children in the womb. One line striked me the most from Rica Peralejo’s blog, it is something like,

“We may not be able to hold our children in our arms but we know that God’s hands are holding them.”

Those words made me cry again. I told my husband that I hope we will be able to touch and see our child’s embryo. We have been told by our OB that the embryo will only look like a blood clot once I expelled it.

Lo and behold, after we leave the restaurant, a gush of water came out of me, so we rushed to the nearest comfort room and when I had my undies down, I delivered all by myself an embryo, clean and whole.

God has heard the cry and the desire of our sorrowful and broken hearts. We were able to hold our child with our hands.

We went home immediately but I bleed continously and profusely, thus I needed to be rushed to the hospital and had a complete surgical removal of the products of conception the following day. After discharge, we buried our child’s embryo in one of our house plants.

We are still moving on from the loss and the gain that we have early this year, believing in our hearts that the excruciating pain we felt early on in our marriage is a testimony of our marriage someday.

It was never easy to let go of a blessing and a bundle of joy we only held for a short time. But, we trust that God’s plans are better than the temporary pain we felt.

Since heaven is far way better than here on earth, we are comforted that our child is in God’s good hands. The assurance of eternity awaiting us, gives us the hope that one day we’ll be with our child in heaven.

I was supposed to give our child the nickname “Samwise”, after my favorite hobbit, and his/her real name will be “Samuel or Samuelle”, which means God has heard. But for now, we’ll remember him/her as “Sam, until he/she is in our arms again.

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Woman: Stop Calling Yourself A Victim

Happy Women’s Month to all the amazing women out there! Cheers to another year of awesomeness being a woman! May we all grow to be the best version of women this world needs. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

This post is more of an insight on the recent buzz that I’ve been seeing all over social media about ‘the other women’ calling themselves “victims” of cheating husbands. I’m not really a patola (reactive) over such crazy social media issues, but at this age and time, saying “I really don’t know” or “I’m innocent” is something you cannot use as an excuse for your shortcomings. With the technology that we have today, how can you not know if the man you are dating or going out with is not married?

If ignorance of the law excuses no one, then ignorance of your so-called boyfriend’s marital status won’t excuse you as well.

I remember the first time when my then new friend (now husband) told me that he is not using his Facebook account because he forgot the password. My instinct already told me that he is lying. Days later he confessed that he actually knows his password but won’t use it for awhile until he made sure first that all traces of his past 8-year relationship are deleted. He humbly said sorry and repented for lying at first.

He also showed me all his valid IDs and PDS (Personal Data Sheet) or resumé before he pursued me. That was his way of introducing his full identity to me. Note that IDs usually contain contact details of spouse or parents (for singles). That’s why I know and confident that he’s single, but I didn’t settle with only those piece of information.

When he finally said he was going to pursue me, I did a background check of him. We don’t have common friends, so just imagine how hard it is for me to find knowledge about him. Thankfully, I have friends with connections to his line of work. We were able to call key people who has a direct authority over him. I call this as the Character Referencing.

I also observed how he acts around his friends — Does he look secretive? Is he intimidating his friends to speak only good things about him? Is he willing to take me out with his closest buddies and family members? Moreover, is he proud that he is dating me? Is he willing to introduce me to the world that I am his and he is mine? Naturally, men takes pride with what they have. If they can post their new shoes on Facebook but not your face, then there’s something you should worry about.

And, before I gave my “Yes” to him, I asked for a Cenomar (Certificate of No Marriage). Because I want to make sure that I am not dating someone else’s man. The Cenomar was even delivered to my office address from PSA to make sure it is not tampered at all.

You see, in this age and time, there are so many ways to find out if a man is married or not. Try Google!

Above all, look for God’s leading and ask for godly advise. Surround yourself with women who will be there to check on you and rebuke you when necessary. There are so many women out there who kept their relationship status to themselves, believing that they can handle their relationships alone. I’m telling you, you cannot do it alone. You need accountability, but make sure that your accountability partners are from the Lord.

Woman, know that your brain is above your deceitful heart.

Stop calling yourself a victim because the only victims in a ruined marriage (out of an extramarital affair) is the wife and her children.

You are not innocent. You are ignorant.

You are not a victim. You are an accomplice for letting the suspect get away.

You should not seek pity. You should seek more wisdom.

To the single women reading this, may you choose to be wise with when and who to date, so that at the end of the day, you will not call yourself a victim. You are meant to be pursued. You are loved. And, you are destined for victory.